Posts Tagged ‘ ZindagiAsaanKaro ’

Watch Your Words

This piece is based on the real life experience of someone very close to me and has been shared with her approval.

It had taken a lot of strength and courage on my part to attend my friends baby shower. I had pushed myself mentally, physically and emotionally to be there for her. I was struggling after another miscarriage and I had battled my depression by taking extra good care of myself.

I had hoped that looking good on the outside would help me feel less broken on the inside. I had worn a black dress with a red belt, red shoes and red lipstick and I knew I looked good. Good enough to make people turn their heads and look at me when I entered the event.

I was sitting with my daughter trying to appear calm and put together when I noticed two women looking at me and whispering to each other. I just smiled at them and continued to mind my own business. One of them decided to engage with me then and the words she said albeit unintentionally triggered my anxiety in the worst possible way.

“We were just admiring your figure. Is that the reason why you have decided not to have more children? To maintain your perfect figure?” One of them asked me with a smile, acting like she had just paid me the highest possible compliment.

I felt cold fingers grasp my heart and squeeze it hard and I felt a lump form in my throat but I managed to take a deep breath and appear outwardly calm. The hostess was well aware of the ordeal I had been through and she looked at me with concern in her eyes.

“I recently had a miscarriage, again.” That was all I could say to them before I got up and went into the bathroom to take some deep breaths and calm myself. I did not want to cry and create a scene but I was hurting and I wondered why people can’t be more selective and sensitive with their words.

If an aunty had done something like this, I might have been able to excuse their behavior thinking they are old and set in their ways but young girls these days are much meaner and more brutal. I found myself wondering when people would learn to choose their words more carefully.

Will there ever be a day when people will learn not to comment on things that don’t concern them at all? Someone’s weight, height, skin color, skin problems, marital status, employment status, pregnancy status, etc. are not matters that should concern other people. When will we learn that discussions can be non-personal and still engaging and that it is not okay to meddle in another person’s business?

You don’t know whose feelings you are hurting with your carelessly dropped words and whose anxiety you are triggering with your lack of self-control. Watch your words and show some sensitivity because what goes around comes around and no one likes it when it does.