Posts Tagged ‘ Rules ’

The Istikhara

“I want you to cover your head when you leave the house.” He told me.

“I don’t want any servants in the house so you will need to do all the housework yourself.” He said and I wondered if he had maybe not heard me when I told him I don’t and can’t cook.

“You can only leave the house with me.” He went on. I asked him if I could at least go out with my mother if she came to pick me. “She will come with a driver, right?” I nodded yes. “Then no. I will take you wherever you want to go when I come home in the evening.”

“When do you come home in the evening?” I asked him. “It varies but I usually come home at around 8 because I go to the gym at around 7:00.”

“Won’t you be too tired to take me out when you come home that late after the gym?” I asked him.

My head was a jumbled mess at everything he was laying down as conditions and I wanted some clarity on what he was expecting from me. “I might be but you can’t go anywhere unless I take you.”

“I can to the gym with you, though right?” I asked him. “No of course not. There are men there.” I was getting a little scared of this man my parents thought I should consider marrying. I shook my head and decided that he is probably joking.

“I don’t want you to have any guy friends either. I know you study with guys and you have family friends that you are close to, but I don’t like the idea of you having any male friends.” He told me and I was getting confused again.

I thought about all my female cousins and none of them had any guy friends so I guess it was doable but then none of them had studied in co-education institutions either. I was trying to rationalize his thoughts and demands and I was feeling over whelmed at his narrow mindedness.

“You can’t meet your best friend anymore. I don’t want you around people who drink.” He told me in the same discussion and it felt unreal. “Why though? They never drink in my presence.” I asked.

“People who drink are unpredictable and you never when they will decide to start drinking and how they will act. I know because I used to drink and I was even a bar tender for a while when I was studying in London.”

“Do you still drink?” I asked him worried. “No, my dad doesn’t even let me touch non-alcoholic beer anymore. I got some home the other day and he made me throw it out.” He replied, sounding frustrated.

I was so stunned at some of the things he had said that I actually asked him if he would also beat me up after he married me. To which he replied. “No of course not. I have a sister too if her husband hit her, I would kill him.” To which I reminded him that I have an elder brother too so he better be careful and he just laughed mockingly in response as though I was joking.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked me suddenly. “No of course not! I shouldn’t even be with you right now and you already told me you like to bite so definitely not.”

“I promise I won’t bite.” He said and I just shook my head no.

My parents never introduced me to a guy and his family unless they really liked them and we had all really hit it off with each other. I was getting worried about the things he had said to me earlier and the things he was telling me now.

I had told my mom the things I had seen as red flags, basic things like how I can’t drive or work and how I had to cover my head and she said those are good things. She said he wasn’t wrong and that I should listen to him because she agreed with him on these three things.

I was worried though, I had been okay with the demands he was making while I was with him but when I thought about them later, they filled me with dread especially since he stopped talking to me after saying everything and telling me that the ball was now in my court to decide what I want.

I spoke to my brother and his wife that night. I told them everything he had mentioned and they panicked and called me. They told me that these were all red flags and I should run away from him as fast as I could. My brother was very liberal and he had a love marriage. They lived abroad so he could be over reacting.

I decided to do an istikhara that night because that is what people tend to do when they are having trouble deciding on something. My belief was very simple when it came to the prayer. I prayed it like I was supposed to and trusted God to do whatever was best for me. I never waited for dreams or signs, I just waited for things to manifest themselves.

That night I had a dream though, I dreamt that I was surrounded by hungry lionesses, they pounced on me and I woke up shocked and scared.