A place where I share my deepest darkest thoughts!

It has been a long, tiring and somewhat toxic day and almost as soon as I raise my hands to start my salat, the tears start rolling down my face. Ya Allah, Ya Rabb, when will this end, when will there be a day when I don’t feel this way? When will the words stop hurting and when will the children stop testing my patience? When will I finally be able to come and talk to you without being sad and a seemingly ungrateful servant?

I remember I had always felt guilty about thinking things during Salah, thinking about the past and the present and the daunting future. Then I realized that this is my time with Allah, this is my time to take all my concerns and worries to Him so that all these thoughts come to the fore of my mind and by the time I go into Sajdah, they all slide off my mind and get buried deep into the ground just like I will one day be absorbed into it.

As soon as my mind touches the ground, I feel such a sense of peace that no matter how hard I try I can never truly express it in words. It is almost as if blood, life, positivity and calm all rush into my mind and I am overcome with a feeling of warmth and acceptance. I love that we do two sajdahs in each rakah because one would never be enough.

By the time it is time for Dua, I become the grateful servant that I know I should have been from the very beginning and I ask for forgiveness. I go back to my life in this world, feeling refreshed and ready to face the challenges that life throws my way now and again. Ya Maalik, thank You for the gift that is Salah and the privilege of Sajdah.