Archive for the ‘ Prayer ’ Category

I Prayed to God

I prayed to God.

I prayed for another baby.

A little baby girl.

But only if having her would be good for my own and my husband’s life in this world and the hereafter.

When we found out we were in fact having a baby girl we were over the moon with happiness.

He answered my prayers exactly.

He gave me a very precious little girl.

Someone so special that she would take me and husband both to paradise.

She is His way of telling us that we are good people and He is making attainment of Heaven easy for us.

There will be tough days, days when people will stare and say inappropriate cruel things.

There might be days when she will be aggressive and maybe hit us or others around her.

There will be days when her siblings want our attention but she has it all.

There will be days when I will wonder if I can in fact raise someone so special in addition to my boys.

There will be days when I will struggle with mom guilt and self-worth issues.

Those are the days when I will pray extra hard.

I will ask for strength, patience and sheer will-power to make it through the day.

I will tell myself that if He brought me to it, He will get me through it.

Then I will get up and do what needs to be done.

I will make things happen and I will make this work!

I will rock this and inspire others and make them wish they had an Amal in their lives.


How I Cope With Corona

Things are getting worse everyday as more and more cases of the Corona virus are cropping up in Pakistan. I have stopped watching the news but even then, there is a bombardment of information that I don’t want to see or know thanks to social media and WatsApp University. I am tired of the updates on how many people have been affected, or how the government has failed us, or how people lack the basic common sense to stay home and stay safe.

I don’t want to know how bad things are and how much worse they are becoming. Things are sad and depressing enough. I normally escaped to the world of entertainment by watching US news and that just got really ugly too. All I have left to turn to now is Sweet Magnolias and Ertrugul on Netflix with some Korean Dramas thrown in for good measure.

This pandemic has its ups and down and I for one want to focus on the positives which is getting harder as each day passes. The cases that were once so distant are hitting closer and closer to home and it is getting scarier day by day. People who are taking precautions are also being affected and that makes things even scarier when we have four children at home along with two elderly people with pre-existing conditions.

Then comes all the other bad news, the sugar shortage, the poultry fiasco, the predicted food crises thanks to locusts, etc. etc. Things look bleaker and sadder everyday and people do all they can to add fuel to the fire of panic and anger. I have come to terms with the fact that things will get much harder before they get better. I realize that I cannot control the actions of others and I cannot tell them how to live. I can only do whatever I can to protect myself and my family and Shukar Alhamdulillah, we have managed to stay safe so far and I can only pray that it stays that way.

When I saw this Ayah yesterday, I couldn’t help but write it down and seek solace in these words.
“And when I am ill, it is He who cures me.” (Ayah 80, Surah Ash-Shura)

May He protect us all and our loved ones and may He heal all those affected. Ameen.

WhatsApp Image 2020-06-05 at 2.20.53 AM

Thoughts in Knots

It’s one of those nights when you are exhausted but you can’t sleep because your thoughts are in knots (yes Hala Soomro I used it) and there are circles in the corners of my mind (don’t know where I read that bt I loved it).

Something is off and I have no idea what it is and I’m not hormonal! What is this weird feeling? It’s like my mind is making fun of me. Laughing at me for not being able to find it as it hides whatever thought it is that I’m reaching for. I don’t like it when that happens.

I have so much to do and so little time. Miles to go before I sleep, yup that’s it. Miles and miles but I’m paralyzed.

I’m excited and I’m scared and I’m frustrated and I’m confused. These are just too many feelings for a person like me who has limited powers of comprehension right now.
I can cry and beg and plead with myself to stop thinking and stop fretting and write and fight it out but sometimes you just can’t.

Sometimes you are meant to drown in the quicksand of your slippery thoughts hoping to reach the answers that are hidden deep down. Sometimes you have to fall asleep and hope that you will find the answers in your sleep.

Please pray that I do. I’m sooo tired. Too tired to untie the knots and find the answers. Too too too tired…

Knot Prayer


It has been a long, tiring and somewhat toxic day and almost as soon as I raise my hands to start my salat, the tears start rolling down my face. Ya Allah, Ya Rabb, when will this end, when will there be a day when I don’t feel this way? When will the words stop hurting and when will the children stop testing my patience? When will I finally be able to come and talk to you without being sad and a seemingly ungrateful servant?

I remember I had always felt guilty about thinking things during Salah, thinking about the past and the present and the daunting future. Then I realized that this is my time with Allah, this is my time to take all my concerns and worries to Him so that all these thoughts come to the fore of my mind and by the time I go into Sajdah, they all slide off my mind and get buried deep into the ground just like I will one day be absorbed into it.

As soon as my mind touches the ground, I feel such a sense of peace that no matter how hard I try I can never truly express it in words. It is almost as if blood, life, positivity and calm all rush into my mind and I am overcome with a feeling of warmth and acceptance. I love that we do two sajdahs in each rakah because one would never be enough.

By the time it is time for Dua, I become the grateful servant that I know I should have been from the very beginning and I ask for forgiveness. I go back to my life in this world, feeling refreshed and ready to face the challenges that life throws my way now and again. Ya Maalik, thank You for the gift that is Salah and the privilege of Sajdah.


Love Sajdah

Life As I Am Coming to Know It

We always hear about how life is unfair and how things both good and bad can happen when you least expect it. Last year was a miserable year in many ways and a good one too in some ways. This year started with new hopes for a better year and some of those hopes were fulfilled. New house, new job, visa, car, wedding, etc… However it has had more than a fair share of bad things happening too. One so bad and so sudden and so disturbing that I don’t even feel like writing about it. It makes last year seem like a bad dream in contrast to a menacing nightmare that this year is turning out to be.

We always hear about how God has great things planned for us and whatever misfortunes or rather tragedies befall us only make us stronger and are for the best, etc etc but sometimes it is really hard to understand the WHY behind the things that happen to us and to those around us. Why for instance does a 90 year old live while a 5 month old perishes? Why do people die of thirst and hunger while others waste the same resources? Yes I know life is not meant to be fair, but how unfair is it supposed to be? Is there any measure of the injustice versus the good?

We hear that God answers prayers so today I pray to God to forgive me and my loved ones and to protect us all from the harm that has come and is coming or may come our way. I beseech Him to place a shield between us and all that is wrong, bad and evil in this world, including the evil that resides within us.