Since I was a child I loved kids. I loved babysitting my cousins and cousins’ kids. Me and my siblings are good with kids, I think. It’s in our genes, my dad is great with kids too and my mom is an educationist and her students seem to love her. Every time I struggled with a concept in school the way she explained it always made more sense. I remember that when I was in kindergarten, I had troubles writing the number 8 so my mom taught me at home how to write it and suddenly it was so much easier. I loved playing with and babysitting kids and I was always told that ‘doosron ke bachay sub ko achay lagtay hain, apne hongay to pata chale ga’.
Fast forward years later, I had trouble conceiving and even had a miscarriage. I had my first child after 4 years of my wedding. As you can imagine everyone around us made things harder by asking when we intended to conceive and telling us that they were praying for us and some other really hurtful stuff that I like to think I have left in the past and don’t bother me anymore.
Finally, Aazil came along and we were so happy and so excited. We had finally been blessed and the prayers of so many people had been answered. We were so scared this time around though that we didn’t even tell a lot of people that we were expecting and we took heat for that decision as well.
Among all the best things that have happened to me in this lifetime and among all the most beautiful of prayers that Allah has answered of mine is my child Aazil. He is everything a mother could want in a child Shukar Alhamdulillah and Masha Allah. If I could change two things about him they would be that he should be a better eater and that he should be less hyper.
Once again, all the advice started pouring in and it was also conflicting advice at times but then bad advice and the horrors of being given advice as a new parent are not the topic for today’s post.
The topic of today’s post is being fearful as a parent. The fear that you are not a good or even an adequate parent. The fears that you develop after becoming a parent. Becoming a parent is amazing, don’t get me wrong, but being a parent is also one of the scariest things that happen to someone in life.
You start fearing everything, you fear things you didn’t think it was possible to fear and in a way; you become your own parents. It is very scary to think that you are responsible for another little life. It is even scarier when something happens to the little angel under your care. There are many people who will be willing to take credit for the good habits but everything negative or bad is all your own fault.
Sometimes it becomes easy to take your kids being happy and healthy for granted. That is when all hell usually breaks loose. One or the other gets sick; or hurt when you least expect it and your whole world seems to turn upside down. Like the time Aazil needed to go under general anaesthesia and got stitches because he ran into a side table late one night, or the time Wali got measles and would cry like he was in pain, or like last week when Aazil fell and fractured his arm.
At times like this you feel like you have failed, like you are a bad parent, like you are a danger to your own kids because you weren’t able to protect them, which is your job. This is also when you will be told that it is because of the evil eye because you posted pictures or didn’t give enough sadqa and that will also be largely true. This is also the time when you will really remember Allah and ask for His Protection and Mercy for your children and all things harmful to them. You will also read the Ayatul Qursi and Quls more regularly and more frequently. Things will get better and you will get over that scary trial and go back to being happy again. You will fall into a false sense of security and then life will happen again and you will be very scared and very sad once again but that too shall pass.
So, what was the point of this long post you ask? At a time like that you don’t want to hear all the things you did wrong or the possible causes for everything that went wrong. Believe me as a mother I have already considered all that before someone even mentioned it to me and I went three steps further to lay the blame on myself.
You know what really helps at a time like this? It helps to hear, its okay, this happens with kids. It’s nice to hear things like, children fall and they get hurt, children are resilient and they get over these incidents fast. It helps to hear things like, you are a good mother and you know what’s best for your child and it will also be fine soon. Or even, don’t worry mommy, we are praying for your child and he/she will be fine soon.
Just remember this. That mommy will remember you always as the kind person who helped ease away her fears instead of increasing them. She will pray for you and she will pray that Allah blesses you.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. They are truly appreciated.
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