Archive for the ‘ Life ’ Category

I Prayed to God

I prayed to God.

I prayed for another baby.

A little baby girl.

But only if having her would be good for my own and my husband’s life in this world and the hereafter.

When we found out we were in fact having a baby girl we were over the moon with happiness.

He answered my prayers exactly.

He gave me a very precious little girl.

Someone so special that she would take me and husband both to paradise.

She is His way of telling us that we are good people and He is making attainment of Heaven easy for us.

There will be tough days, days when people will stare and say inappropriate cruel things.

There might be days when she will be aggressive and maybe hit us or others around her.

There will be days when her siblings want our attention but she has it all.

There will be days when I will wonder if I can in fact raise someone so special in addition to my boys.

There will be days when I will struggle with mom guilt and self-worth issues.

Those are the days when I will pray extra hard.

I will ask for strength, patience and sheer will-power to make it through the day.

I will tell myself that if He brought me to it, He will get me through it.

Then I will get up and do what needs to be done.

I will make things happen and I will make this work!

I will rock this and inspire others and make them wish they had an Amal in their lives.

InshaAllah!

Photo Credits https://yaqeeninstitute.org/read/paper/duas-for-relief-and-protection

2022
06/30
CATEGORY
Life
parenting
Prayer
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The Alternate Path

Today he decided to be brave and break free
From the shackles of habit and familiarity
He bravely selected the alternate path
He took each step slowly but resolutely

It led him to a path with tall wise trees arching over it
The trees seemed to shelter the path to guide him forward,
The path led to a beautiful garden, colorful and fruitful
It seemed to buzz with life and coaxed him onward.

As the garden came to an end he saw a small cottage
With smoke billowing out of its chimney,
A warm and welcoming place it appeared
It seemed to have come straight out of Disney.

He knocked on the door and saw a pie on the window sill
It smelled like his favorite, apple and cinnamon,
It seemed truly to be a sign a good omen if you will
He experienced a slight increase in adrenaline.

An elderly man opened the door and gave him a big smile
“He’s finally here Emma, can you believe it? He made it at last.”
The old woman hugged him and held on for dear life
She looked, smelt and felt familiar, like someone from his past.

He was overcome by a strong sense of dejavu
How did he know these two beautiful souls?
They welcomed him into their home and hearts
They fed him pie with vanilla ice-cream in bowls.

The taste was divine and oh so very familiar
It reminded him of someone who had made it for him before,
It shocked him and brought him to a crushing realization
Like his grandparents he too wasn’t alive anymore.

Day 58

2020
08/31
CATEGORY
Death
Life
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Art Therapy

I was motivated by a TedTalk I saw on drawing which inspired me to start drawing. The talk was about someone who decided to draw something everyday for a year and that is what I also decided to do.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nclSb-MlAxo)
I started with things that I knew how to draw as a child and slowly started experimenting. I saw online videos and posts about art. I tried a myriad of different mediums. I started with simple coloring pencils and then moved on to crayon, markers, water color paints, acrylic paints, calligraphy pens, sponges, beads, etc.
I saw myself evolve from very basic to somewhat interesting. I am not able to draw something everyday but I keep my eyes open for things to inspire me and I eventually end up doing something or the other.
I have used words in my art and I have made art to support my words as well. Sharing a few images with you to show you my journey. This is one of the many ways that I am managing to keep my sanity and find myself during these scary times.
You can see my art journey from Day 1 to Day 59 on my Instagram account as well. [https://www.instagram.com/confused_empath/]

 

2020
07/11
CATEGORY
Life
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The Dark Side of Social Media

I saw the dark side of social media recently and I saw the ability it has of totally destroying a person. The way each and every insult from people who don’t even know you tear away at your entire being breaking you down to nothing. They started with her physical appearance, they said she was ugly, they said her eyes were too small, they said she should get her mole removed and then they started comparing her looks to that of animals.
 
There were comments like she looks worse than my pet goat and she is wearing too much makeup. These were her pictures from one of the most important days of her life and they reveled in commenting and degrading each and every aspect of her physical appearance.
Then they moved on to her family and how she was from a family with a lot of money and that is why she was able to achieve what they considered to be something they deserved to have. They said she was where she was today because her family had money and they bought her what she wanted.
They were talking about a girl who is like a daughter to me. Their hate and dislike towards her were toxic and so very similar. It made it seem like social media turns people into hate mongers who have to destroy the happiness of others.
Why did they all decide to hate on her you ask? She must have done something if everyone thought she deserved to be abused and have her entire life and being scrutinized. She was harassed so much that she finally had to delete all her accounts and leave social media for a while. Her only fault was to say yes to a proposal from a guy whose family had been pursuing her for the past 3 years or so and begging for her hand in marriage.
When the relationship ended, they came after her again, making her the target of their hatred and anger. They had no idea what sort of toxic relationship she had been in. They broke her down again and this time they were much more ruthless and much more venomous. I would say that there is a very dark side to social media and I have seen it slowly choke and kill someone with its toxicity. What better way to kill someone than to destroy any sense of self-esteem and self-respect they have left after leading a very difficult life that none of them were aware of.
Then I see a shimmer of hope, I see some people defending her and taking her side. I see people stand up for her and tell the haters and the trolls to back off and leave her alone. Those voices though are a few and far apart. Those voices seem to be missing when they are needed the most. Those voices are the ones that people try to drown out more and more but those are the voices that matter and those are the voices that we need to turn this dark social media into a bright place.
I hope and pray that I am one of those voices, the voices that stand up to bullying and harassment, the voices that protect instead of attacking, the voices that speak truth to power. I hope and pray everyday to meet more people who are positive and encouraging. I pray to meet the people who don’t use their thoughts, words and actions to hurt others and bring them down. I pray to meet the people who lift others up and make them stronger and more determined to be themselves.
2020
06/15
CATEGORY
Life
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Swing On a Tree By The Moon

She had always loved swings. They made her feel alive and gave her wings. She always felt better when she sat on one. She left like she was in control and she felt like it could transport her back to a time when things were simpler and familiar.

She had recently discovered her love for trees, she felt like one sometimes. She felt like an old tree, a tree that is wise, a tree that suffers and only gives and barely takes.

The moon was an old friend of hers. She had often sat in her balcony and cried as the moon watched on and consoled her. The moon always stayed with her and told her in its own way that her problems were small in the grander scheme of things.

Today all three seemed to be unable to cheer her up or bring her the comfort she sought. Today she was tired and hurt. She was despondent and tired of being the provider and the peacemaker.

Today the moon, the tree and the swing seemed to pull her deeper into herself. They seemed to be making fun of her for all the sacrifices and hard work she had put into all her relationships.

She heard her baby cry so she sat up straight, swung with all her might, hoping to touch the moon lit sky. Then she jumped off with a renewed purpose and energy that she didn’t know she still possessed and returned to her life as a mother, a wife and a daughter-in-law.

Swing by the Moon

2020
06/07
CATEGORY
Life
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How I Cope With Corona

Things are getting worse everyday as more and more cases of the Corona virus are cropping up in Pakistan. I have stopped watching the news but even then, there is a bombardment of information that I don’t want to see or know thanks to social media and WatsApp University. I am tired of the updates on how many people have been affected, or how the government has failed us, or how people lack the basic common sense to stay home and stay safe.

I don’t want to know how bad things are and how much worse they are becoming. Things are sad and depressing enough. I normally escaped to the world of entertainment by watching US news and that just got really ugly too. All I have left to turn to now is Sweet Magnolias and Ertrugul on Netflix with some Korean Dramas thrown in for good measure.

This pandemic has its ups and down and I for one want to focus on the positives which is getting harder as each day passes. The cases that were once so distant are hitting closer and closer to home and it is getting scarier day by day. People who are taking precautions are also being affected and that makes things even scarier when we have four children at home along with two elderly people with pre-existing conditions.

Then comes all the other bad news, the sugar shortage, the poultry fiasco, the predicted food crises thanks to locusts, etc. etc. Things look bleaker and sadder everyday and people do all they can to add fuel to the fire of panic and anger. I have come to terms with the fact that things will get much harder before they get better. I realize that I cannot control the actions of others and I cannot tell them how to live. I can only do whatever I can to protect myself and my family and Shukar Alhamdulillah, we have managed to stay safe so far and I can only pray that it stays that way.

When I saw this Ayah yesterday, I couldn’t help but write it down and seek solace in these words.
“And when I am ill, it is He who cures me.” (Ayah 80, Surah Ash-Shura)

May He protect us all and our loved ones and may He heal all those affected. Ameen.

WhatsApp Image 2020-06-05 at 2.20.53 AM

2020
06/04
CATEGORY
Life
Prayer
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Thoughts in Knots

It’s one of those nights when you are exhausted but you can’t sleep because your thoughts are in knots (yes Hala Soomro I used it) and there are circles in the corners of my mind (don’t know where I read that bt I loved it).

Something is off and I have no idea what it is and I’m not hormonal! What is this weird feeling? It’s like my mind is making fun of me. Laughing at me for not being able to find it as it hides whatever thought it is that I’m reaching for. I don’t like it when that happens.

I have so much to do and so little time. Miles to go before I sleep, yup that’s it. Miles and miles but I’m paralyzed.

I’m excited and I’m scared and I’m frustrated and I’m confused. These are just too many feelings for a person like me who has limited powers of comprehension right now.
I can cry and beg and plead with myself to stop thinking and stop fretting and write and fight it out but sometimes you just can’t.

Sometimes you are meant to drown in the quicksand of your slippery thoughts hoping to reach the answers that are hidden deep down. Sometimes you have to fall asleep and hope that you will find the answers in your sleep.

Please pray that I do. I’m sooo tired. Too tired to untie the knots and find the answers. Too too too tired…

Knot Prayer

2020
06/04
CATEGORY
Life
Prayer
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Reach Out

He felt stuck and suffocated. He had reached out for help so many times and from so many people that he had started to feel like a beggar.

All his life he had heard people tell him that patience bears fruit, that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, that is it always darkest before the dawn and other such nonsense but he seemed to be stuck in a night of eternal despair.

Even when the morning came, it did not bring hope and today he decided would be the last time he ever reached out but he also promised himself that it would be his best effort to do so.

The light was too far from his reach so he closed his eyes, touched his finger to the ever-evasive speck of light on the horizon and felt a strong spiritual energy enter and fill the emptiness he had felt within his heart and soul. For the first time in forever he smiled and then his heart stopped beating, bringing his misery to an end.

 

Reaching

2020
06/02
CATEGORY
Death
Life
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Sajdah

It has been a long, tiring and somewhat toxic day and almost as soon as I raise my hands to start my salat, the tears start rolling down my face. Ya Allah, Ya Rabb, when will this end, when will there be a day when I don’t feel this way? When will the words stop hurting and when will the children stop testing my patience? When will I finally be able to come and talk to you without being sad and a seemingly ungrateful servant?

I remember I had always felt guilty about thinking things during Salah, thinking about the past and the present and the daunting future. Then I realized that this is my time with Allah, this is my time to take all my concerns and worries to Him so that all these thoughts come to the fore of my mind and by the time I go into Sajdah, they all slide off my mind and get buried deep into the ground just like I will one day be absorbed into it.

As soon as my mind touches the ground, I feel such a sense of peace that no matter how hard I try I can never truly express it in words. It is almost as if blood, life, positivity and calm all rush into my mind and I am overcome with a feeling of warmth and acceptance. I love that we do two sajdahs in each rakah because one would never be enough.

By the time it is time for Dua, I become the grateful servant that I know I should have been from the very beginning and I ask for forgiveness. I go back to my life in this world, feeling refreshed and ready to face the challenges that life throws my way now and again. Ya Maalik, thank You for the gift that is Salah and the privilege of Sajdah.

 

Love Sajdah

2020
05/17
CATEGORY
Life
Prayer
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The Making of Me

My mind is a complex web of thoughts and fears,
It makes me time again, cry buckets of tears.

My mind is not a box but rather a well,
And my thoughts are squares which often isn’t swell.

 

I am confused and uncertain, incapable of making decisions,
My being feels cut up after traumas that have made so many incisions.

I feel like I am a person made up of wounds and scars,
This makes it very difficult for me to live happily, as I set high bars.

 

My body by far has been the most neglected,
By all my confusion and trauma, it is adversely affected.

Many years of uncertainty, fear and toxicity, unrestricted,
To all the things that hurt my body, I have been addicted.

Achieve a better mind-body connection in 5 steps | Psychologies

2020
05/10
CATEGORY
Life
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